Back in the day, casual sex meant a sticky situation that was too messy to swallow. Sorry, we couldn’t help ourselves.
But seriously, casual sex is increasingly becoming destigmatized; however, there is still some societal pressure that turns people away from the idea before they are able to give it a chance. It’s not for everyone, but for many, it’s a liberating and awesome way to navigate their sexual journey.
First, what is casual sex? Casual sex is essentially sex with no strings attached. It’s all the physical magic without any of the emotional baggage, and it’s best performed with a fuckbuddy who has also checked their emotions at the door. There are so many physical, mental, and
emotional benefits to safe casual sex. Orgasms, pleasure, and utter nirvana? That’s obvious. But did you know that sex also has positive effects on blood pressure, cortisol levels, and endorphins? Or that depriving yourself of sex causes stress and an overall lack of focus? In addition, casual sex leaves room for experimentation and can give you a major confidence boost.
For those looking to explore casual sex, we’ve compiled this list of tips so that you can have your best experience with casual sex!
Before we get into those tips, we should first talk about how you should go about asking for casual sex. Whether it’s an in-person or a text conversation, you must first let go of your fear of rejection. If someone says “no” to your request, that is a personal choice for them and likely has nothing to do with you. Honesty and being real is the best way to approach this. “Hey _____. I wanted to say that I’m really physically attracted to you. I’m not in a place to be in any sort of relationship, but I wanted to know if you’d maybe want to get together for some no-strings-attached fun.” It’s a no-pressure way to ask someone via text or in person. Don’t try to be cool or let your ego get the best of you. Nobody wants to receive a DTF? or BJ later? text. Avoid abbreviations, be honest, and be accepting of their response without taking it personally.
When you start having casual sex with a person or multiple people, you should assume that your casual sex partner(s) likely has other fuckbuddies as well. And those other fuckbuddies? They’ve got fuckbuddies too. It’s beautiful, but that is a lot of exchanged fluids. Use protection. Get tested, and remember that a partner’s clean test is never 100% up to date (what if you are ride number two that day?). In addition to practicing safe sex, keep yourself out of harm’s way. Don’t meet a stranger in their home before meeting them in public, trust your instincts, and keep your guard up for the first couple times.
Sex feels so much better when you feel like your sexiest self. So, go into the situation showered, perfumed, and feeling hot! You don’t have to wear a tie or put on makeup, just do whatever makes you feel your best. Casual sex is something that can often happen randomly. So, it might help to have some small items in your car, bag, or at your desk that you can use to make yourself feel great before meeting up with your fuckbuddy. Keep some mini deodorant, mouthwash, or perfume handy. Maybe even an extra pair of underwear!
Keep the conversation light
When the destination is casual sex, your baggage needs to be virtually non-existent. This is about freedom and fun, so the conversation leading up to ‘the act’ (if there’s even time for any conversation at all) should be totally breezy and mood elevating. Talk about an upcoming vacation or an awesome new movie. If you and your partner are both in great moods before entering sex, it’s going to be awesome sex no matter what. So, table your parent’s divorce or cat’s untimely passing for another friend.
Don’t be (totally) yourself
Do you know how Beyoncé adopts the Sasha Fierce alter ego while she’s on stage? She says that this alter ego comes alive while she’s performing to do the things she’d never do in real life. Casual sex is the perfect place to try that out for yourself. Because there are no strings, it’s a total free fall (in a great way). It’s a rare moment for you to try kinky things you never thought you’d have the gull to try (with your partner’s consent, of course). It’s a safe place for you to come alive sexually, and give you a confidence boost!
Because casual sex is a safe place for people to let loose and have an inner-release, you have to be understanding that your partner may want to try new things too. Provide that safe space for your partner to explore. Of course, you’ll need to stay within your limits. If your partner asks you to try something you don’t want to do, don’t gasp or embarrass them. Kindly tell them that you aren’t into it. Conversely, don’t allow your partner to make you feel embarrassed or under-appreciated. If your fuckbuddy makes you feel that way, consider finding a new one.
This is the whole point of casual sex! Relax, enjoy yourself, relinquish any shame, and have fun!