Anxiety and sex don’t always mix in most people’s minds. An even less likely pair is anxiety and fuckbuddies. Friends with benefits would seem, in theory, to work best for folks without anxiety. It’s a low stress, low emotion, purely sexual thing. But, anxiety can actually make you pretty good at sex. It is a foe to most people it tends to inhabit, an unwanted shadow always following them around. But, if you are an anxious person, there are ways to use your stress to your advantage in a fuckbuddy situation.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Anxiety can be bad for sex. Anxiety is known to get in the way in various capacities. But, if we know how it can hurt us, we can weaken its detrimental effects on our fuckbuddy or hookup lives…

 

How anxiety is detrimental to your fuckbuddy life

It can make you feel self-conscious: Anxious people have a tendency to need to do things exactly right, they also often fear judgment. In the bedroom, when the ‘task’ (for lack of a better term) is to have sex, it can become difficult to live in the moment and enjoy a pleasurable experience when you are worried about whether or not you are performing well enough.

It can make sex more physically challenging: Anxiety takes a physical toll on the body in that it tenses you up. Sometimes, anxiety can lead to chronic pain. Vaginismus is a classic example in which tension causes sex to be painful, leading to more anxiety and more tension. It’s a snowball effect. The anxiety that expresses itself through tensing up in the body can make sexual experiences painful rather than pleasurable. It can be hard on the back, the genitals, and the muscles.

It can be a distraction: When you are constantly overthinking, those thoughts can cloud your ability to have good sex. For men, it can look like an inability to achieve an erection. For women, it can be an inability to achieve an orgasm. Doesn’t sound very fuckbuddy-friendly, does it?

 

How to stop it from ruining your hookup 

There are things that you can do to make sure that your anxiety doesn’t get in the way of a good hookup. There are some physical ways you can relieve tension before your fuckbuddy comes over. Relieving tension in a physical manner will help you elevate your mood, subside your anxiety, and get you sexually aroused…

  • Masturbate: Yes, it’s a physical activity! Also, it can teach you how to use things normally associated with anxiety (such as increased heart rate, sweating, energy) towards something sexual.  Some people call it sublimation of the drives. It means that you take what was once negative and express it in a more positive way. What’s more self-positive than masturbation?
  • Get physical: Go on a run, go to the gym, dance around your living room. Again, getting physical is going to help you get rid of anxiety and elevate your mood.

There are also some mental exercises that you can use to help you dispel your anxiety:

  • Remind yourself that fuckbuddies are casual: People who are naturally anxious often have a lot of social anxiety or performance anxiety. They might fear that their body isn’t good enough. The thing about casual hookups is that the bar is low. You don’t have to impress your partner because there’s no real emotional tie there. It’s just physical, so enjoy yourself and your body.
  • Meditate: If exercise isn’t your thing, calming your heart rate might be a better way to relinquish some of the bad qualities that anxiety provides for your sex life.

There are even things you can do with your fuckbuddy to knock the social anxiety to the wayside:

  • Play sexting or fuckbuddy games: Sometimes anxious people get inside their own heads about fucking by placing their hookup on a pedestal in their minds. Clear the air with your fuckbuddy by sexting them or playing some fuckbuddy games virtually to heat things up but cool your mind down.
  • Roleplay: Roleplaying is a great way to get outside of your own head by playing another character. Make your character a fearless sex god or goddess and watch how the anxiety melts away as you stray from the real you.

 

How anxiety actually helps your fuckbuddy life

You’re generous in bed: Anxious people, by nature, can be people-pleasers. This means they really know how to please their hookup partner in bed. Generous sex friends are the best sex friends. You have probably been told many times by fuckbuddies that you are amazingly gifted in the sack.

Your sexcapades don’t happen on the fly: This is actually a good thing. You like to plan your fucks, making you a totally pragmatic and dependable fuckbuddy. Not only does it ensure that your fuckbuddy life doesn’t cross over into your real life (the cardinal fuckbuddy rule), but it also makes sure that your fucks happen on your timetable.

You become more contentious:
Sex is wonderful; however, like any great thing, it comes with some dangerous elements. Anxious people tend to take these things into account before engaging sexually with their partners. They are more likely to use protection, clean their sex toys, etc. This is especially important for someone who loves their fuckbuddy life. Some folks who engage in casual sex simply aren’t careful.

You choose your partners more wisely:
For many people, the partner in which you choose to have sex with can majorly alter the experience. Anxious folks, by nature, but a bit more thought into who they choose to let inside their bedroom. This does not mean that anxious people don’t engage or enjoy casual sex. It just means that an anxious person is going to want to be around someone who makes them feel more at peace and therefore puts that extra thought into who they invite inside.

You learn how sex can aid in quelling anxiety:
The body reacts similarly to both sex and anxiety. There is a tension, sweating, accelerated heartbeat, the notion that the other shoe is about to drop. If an anxious person can learn how to make the two work for each other rather than against each other, they can learn how to turn sex into an exercise in aiding with anxiety.

 

[Related: How to Find and Court Local Hookups in Today’s Hookup Culture]